The landscape changes as I drive north. Still wet and rainy in Springbrook, after about twenty minutes everything turns white. Rock becomes more prominent. There are fewer signs of habitation. I become mindful of wild animals. I think of ice and polar bears, the symbols of our current circumstance. It is my weekly flirtation with solitude and desolation. I’d like to attend completely to the landscape, and make my mind as still and quiet as it is, but as I drive I am haunted, oddly, by the films of Alexander Sokurov. Completely unentertaining, sleep inducing, but so hypnotic, the images from his film, Mother and Son, have returned to my mind so beautifully and so painfully in recent weeks. I cannot remember how that film ends.
My office in Bancroft is at the end of a hall in a new, large, well appointed medical clinic. As I am the only doctor there on Wednesdays the large waiting room is eerily empty, and the whole place is quiet all day. There are a couple of chairs at the end of the hall as well. A patient is magically there when I open the door every hour. I speak with them carefully and with utmost patience.
I am very lucky to have this weekly pilgrimage. Time is passing, and we need the right rhythm. Angela and I are mostly waiting. Our life is very much a Sokurov film. She is fatigued. She has now worn this large plastic collar around her neck constantly for over a month. She remains, painfully yet reassuringly, stable. Her thoughts are calmer.
Her horoscope has reminded her that there has been, to date, mostly fire and air in her stars, not much earth. She has had a lot of moving around in her life. She welcomes the idea of being grounded in Springbrook soon, a place where, indeed, there is very little soil above the bedrock. We still wait to hear from the surgeon next week, but maybe we can have the holidays at home. Until then the bear, as we know, has plenty of stones around her now, including a Northern Saint George
We trust our friends are patient with us. We will be in touch.
Chère Angela, cher Colin, merci de l'effort de partager avec nous votre histoire. The Northern Knight certainly looks strong and intimidating, we hope him to bring strength to your family. We love you , as always, Sanda and Carlo.
ReplyDelete