November 21, Lake View

Angela's hotel room this week looks onto the lake.   There is a series of docks beneath us, and across the straight there is an island of windmills.  Looking out the window Angela is very pleased.  She announces, "This ferry is me.  This is me."

She has been looking very closely at objects.  This weekend she found a small bear that has been on our shelves for years.  It is a polar bear carved out of white stone.  There is a small jewel missing from its back.  This bear too is Angela.  She tied thread and beads around its neck and sewed ribbon to it.  She now wears it around herself as a neckless.  In fact its remarkable what expression this tiny, stone bear has.  I now refer to Angela as "the bear."

The bear's symptoms have generally been stable.  She is grateful to have had two days without treatment.   Although odd things are happening in her back today ("It tenses and relaxes mindlessly...maybe its the tumour.") I rest my mind on the fact that Angela is very well in spirit, her pain is controlled, and the weakness in her arms may even be improving.

Looking ahead, we are indeed dreaming of some form of restful hybernation for Angela.  She will be here in the hotel with her bear.  I, on the other hand, object of necessity, am intent on busying myself.  I will be going to Toronto tomorrow for a few hours, among other things to make arrangements for our apartment there, which we intend to empty and sublet, but also to pick up essential supplies from L'Occitane.  On Wednesday I'll be returning to work.  I expect I will be commuting to Belleville, now from Kingston, now from Springbrook, for the time being.  It remains to be seen how I will manage, but presently I am optimistic.  First of all, Angela and I are not alone.  We were cared for this weekend by my father, and also by my brother Greg and his wife, Robyn, who are here for a few days, and who prepared the most scrumptious and elaborate of meals last night.  Angela has promises of visits through the week.  Also, though, I am not without my own "fidelity to things."  I will be carrying my own stone bear secretly around my neck.  We'll keep you posted.